Hebrews 4:13, "Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account."
This verse brings comfort to me right now...though, a few months ago, it would not have. I've opened the steel vault doors to a part of me that hasn't been opened for a very, very...VERY long time. They are just cracked open...just enough so that my hands can grip them and I can peak through, but...the doors are OPEN. And whether these doors were open or not, God would still see what was behind. His 'x-ray' laser vision penetrates even the thickest concrete walls of my heart - and He sees. And that, is comforting to me.
I'm tired of hiding...of double checking over and over to make sure those doors stay shut and locked up tight. I want God to see...even though He already does...I want to know that He sees and not pretend that He doesn't. It's time to face the hurt, the anger, the resentment, the feelings of abandonment, the betrayal, the loss, and the fear. It's time to stop pretending that none of those things exist, that none of it bothers me or affects me...because it does. Whether my coping skills are 'prettier' than someone else's or not, HE still sees them for what they are and has something better.
So, as hard as I've tried in the past to hide or cover up or simply ignore...and somehow live in the 'la-la' reality that if I don't say anything or admit to it than it can't be real...I'm proclaiming the words in Hebrews and fighting to throw open those steel and concrete walls- or at least pry them open one small inch at a time. I want to have everything laid bare before His eyes, and place it all in His healing hands. Who am I kidding by closing my eyes and pretending that I'm invisible? He sees it all anway...right?
Thursday, March 24, 2011
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Thursday, March 24, 2011
Nothing is hidden...
Hebrews 4:13, "Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account."
This verse brings comfort to me right now...though, a few months ago, it would not have. I've opened the steel vault doors to a part of me that hasn't been opened for a very, very...VERY long time. They are just cracked open...just enough so that my hands can grip them and I can peak through, but...the doors are OPEN. And whether these doors were open or not, God would still see what was behind. His 'x-ray' laser vision penetrates even the thickest concrete walls of my heart - and He sees. And that, is comforting to me.
I'm tired of hiding...of double checking over and over to make sure those doors stay shut and locked up tight. I want God to see...even though He already does...I want to know that He sees and not pretend that He doesn't. It's time to face the hurt, the anger, the resentment, the feelings of abandonment, the betrayal, the loss, and the fear. It's time to stop pretending that none of those things exist, that none of it bothers me or affects me...because it does. Whether my coping skills are 'prettier' than someone else's or not, HE still sees them for what they are and has something better.
So, as hard as I've tried in the past to hide or cover up or simply ignore...and somehow live in the 'la-la' reality that if I don't say anything or admit to it than it can't be real...I'm proclaiming the words in Hebrews and fighting to throw open those steel and concrete walls- or at least pry them open one small inch at a time. I want to have everything laid bare before His eyes, and place it all in His healing hands. Who am I kidding by closing my eyes and pretending that I'm invisible? He sees it all anway...right?
This verse brings comfort to me right now...though, a few months ago, it would not have. I've opened the steel vault doors to a part of me that hasn't been opened for a very, very...VERY long time. They are just cracked open...just enough so that my hands can grip them and I can peak through, but...the doors are OPEN. And whether these doors were open or not, God would still see what was behind. His 'x-ray' laser vision penetrates even the thickest concrete walls of my heart - and He sees. And that, is comforting to me.
I'm tired of hiding...of double checking over and over to make sure those doors stay shut and locked up tight. I want God to see...even though He already does...I want to know that He sees and not pretend that He doesn't. It's time to face the hurt, the anger, the resentment, the feelings of abandonment, the betrayal, the loss, and the fear. It's time to stop pretending that none of those things exist, that none of it bothers me or affects me...because it does. Whether my coping skills are 'prettier' than someone else's or not, HE still sees them for what they are and has something better.
So, as hard as I've tried in the past to hide or cover up or simply ignore...and somehow live in the 'la-la' reality that if I don't say anything or admit to it than it can't be real...I'm proclaiming the words in Hebrews and fighting to throw open those steel and concrete walls- or at least pry them open one small inch at a time. I want to have everything laid bare before His eyes, and place it all in His healing hands. Who am I kidding by closing my eyes and pretending that I'm invisible? He sees it all anway...right?
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1 comment:
Love this! I totally relate.
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