But...

Okay, I didn't do my homework this week. 1.) I was busy...I'm always busy...I like it that way, so being busy isn't a good excuse. 2.) I wanted to give my homework the time it deserved and couldn't block out a big enough chunk to really dive in...that doesn't work either since I didn't carve out ANY time. I've been wrestling with 'why'...Sometimes I do or don't do things even though my heart really doesn't want to or does want to... (How's that for a messed up sentence?) So 'why' didn't I do my homework...No reason, I just didn't. I'm really comfortable with my relationship with God. I know how it feels, what it looks like...why change something that's pretty good? That's just it- 'pretty good'?? Don't I want God's best for me, and for others?? If I'm not in or working towards what God wants for me, what good am I to Him or to what He has called me to? Now, I know that God is using me and that we do have an intimate relationship (on my terms), and that even if nothing changes God will continue to work in and through me... But is it the 'best' that He has for me?? I'll never know unless I humble myself and seek His best, and what HE wants for me...and give up the control that I want to have and the fears that I have about what changes God wants to make. It's so easy to look at this from the outside and see how obvious it is- but being in it, holding on to whatever little bit of control I think I have, is hard! One of my favorite phrases in the Bible is "Lord, help me to be willing to be willing..." My brain says NO, the enemy says NO, my actions say NO...but my heart and the Holy Spirit say YES...